When I Close My Eyes

My fingers itch and burn to tell you
To write down all I feel
I see so much that I need you to know
And if I write forever, I could not begin
You are indescribable

In times like these I need to close my eyes
And see that I'm on Holy Ground
I need to know in my heart, and not just my mind
That you are all around
Take off my sandals, and let my toes sink in
Just feel the earth, feel the sky
And I see you here with me
I can see you when I close my eyes

With my eyes I see only darkness
When I close them, You are Light
Oh let there be light in my soul
I am lost, I am blind, but I see you
You are merciful to me

In times like these I need to close my eyes
And see that I'm on Holy Ground
I need to know in my heart, and not just my mind
That you are all around
Take off my sandals, and let my toes sink in
Just feel the earth, feel the sky
And I see you here with me
I can see you when I close my eyes

I've come into your Holy Presense
I can't look upon the radiance of your face
So I close my eyes and shield myself from you
Only to see, that you are inside me

This Is Me

I am here
In this place you brought me
What do you want?
I can't see
Darkness envelopes
Even my brightest days
What once was light is
Unpentrable haze

This is me Lord, I am nothing
Take what I have, take it all
What little I have is all yours now
In humble repentence I fall

Self-pity destroys
What you're trying to build
I'm prideful
And I'm very strong-willed
Just take it away
I'm tired of fighting you
I can't ever win
Unless I'm made new

I am just me, no one special
Yet I was chosen by you
I don't deserve the love you give
You're righteous, holy, and true
This is me Lord, you're my everything
You alone can give what I need
Your joy has spread all through me
I'll follow where you lead

The Waltz

It's a mountain breeze
That cools my face tonight
Like a gentle hand
It makes everything alright
I breathe your goodness
Like an exotic fragrance
You've swept me off my feet
And drawn me into the dance

The strains of music fade
As we waltz across the floor
If only I had wings
Above the clouds I'd soar
This is the way I feel
There's something in your touch
That heals my brokeness
And makes me love you much

Even when the music stops
This feeling will go on
No matter where we are
At dusk or before dawn
As long as you are with me
Though we may waltz alone
You're all I need to have
To feel like I've just flown

To Have You

I believe the truth because it's true
I know you're there because I feel you
But this goes deeper than feelings
I know you, I know you know me
When I listen, you speak to me
But this is louder than sound
This is better than life
This is everything within me crying out to know you
Because I need you
You can satisfy
You bring me love, joy, peace
But the greatest gift of all
Is just to have you

Standing Stronger

Another long journey
Perhaps almost done
Another hard battle
But the victory is won
I'm standing stonger now
That I have for awhile
Not bowing under pressure
Or shaken when on trial
Scared to be your child
And show the world love
I was lost and dark
Needing light from above
I'm standing stronger now
Because you love me
Standing bolder now
Because you set me free

So Faithful

I've learned the truth so many times
So often I have seen so clearly
Who you are and how you love
And how you are so faithful
I've seen myself in your eyes
And I don't know what's left to love
I have been so unfaithful
Now I'm broken and crawling in the dust

This heart's been used before
And my mind won't let you in
My soul has shut you out
But still you love
I've done everything but follow
My rebellion slaps you in the face
I push the thorns in deeper
Still you love me

So often I stumble and fall
In blind pursuit of the truth
If I opened my eyes I could see you
Just standing there, loving me
The truth slips from my fingers
I've held it, but I'm always letting go
In your faithfulness you guide me
Until I can see again

This heart's been used before
And my mind won't let you in
My soul has shut you out
But still you love
I've done everything but follow
My rebellion slaps you in the face
I push the thorns in deeper
Still you love me

You don't let go when I let go
When I bite the dust in despair
I can never measure up to who you are
But still you love
You are faithful when I am unfaithful
When I turn my back on your way
I want to follow your heart again
Because I know you still love me

Smile on my Face

Lord, I am not even worthy
To kiss the Holy Ground around your feet
I am not worthy to even glimpse from afar
The beauty shining from your face

I tremble in awe of all that you are
and wonder can I be like you?
You're all I need
All I ever want to be
But I can't get close to you
You came close to me

I did not choose you, you chose me
I could not kiss the ground
And so you kiss my salt stained cheeks
I cannot stand before you
So just hold me
I want to be near you
So hold me here

I am not afraid of you
You love me, I know you do
You put the smile on my face
You made me sing your praise
I don't have to tremble
For you run to hold me
Arms are open for me
Here, I am safe
Here, tears turn to smiles

Sing to the Wind

No longer tossed by waves
No longer blown about by wind
I am here, and I am standing strong
Forever I'm your child
Forever in your arms of love
I am here and I will sing your song

I'll sing into the wind
I know it can't touch me
I'll never look back
There's nothing behing left to see

I will be faithful with little
So can you trust me with more?
Will you say, well done, good faithful one?
Change me and make me like you
I'm striving towards holiness
I want to be like you, God's holy Son

I'll sing into the wind
I know it can't touch me
I'll never look back
There's nothing behing left to see

I have seen you in the light
I have seen you and I know you
Now I will never be the same again
Here I stand in the wind
Here I stand unshaken
And if I fall, I'll get up again

I'll sing into the wind
I know it can't touch me
I'll never look back
There's nothing behing left to see

Saturated

I want to reach up and touch you
If I could hold you, I would hug you
Yet I am flat on my face before you
Awed by your majesty

I bow down to you, O Lord
And I worship you with all my heart
Bring light to every part of me
And chase away the darkness
Bring joy to my despair
Where you are, I want to be there

I would give up my life for you
Because my life was bought by you
You gave it all to set me free, and now
I'm gonna live for you

I bow down to you, O Lord
And I worship you with all my heart
Bring light to every part of me
And chase away the darkness
Bring joy to my despair
Where you are, I want to be there

I want to get even closer to you
To the one that I adore
I kneel before you, amazed by your grace
And I lift my hands to you

In my hands I hold
Everything that was me
Everything I'm giving to you
In my heart I know
I don't deserve your love
But I'm saturated anyway

Safe in You

I'm safe here in your courts
Sheltered in the shadow of your wing
You protect me, I'm so secure
I am compelled to lift my voice and sing

Because you saved me, I will sing to you
Because you love me, I will always love you
Because you are so good to me, I will dance forever
Safe in you, I can let go

This is where I know I belong
My life is but to sing and praise
I'm so secure, I need you
Shelter me for all my days

Because you saved me, I will sing to you
Because you love me, I will always love you
Because you are so good to me, I will dance forever
Safe in you, I can let go

Ready To Go

Staring into the darkness
I know what lies ahead
But I am not afraid
I'll face my future gladly
As long as I can spend it with you

Walking by your side is where I want to be
We'll leave this world behind
While we're dancing in the sky

I remember all those times
I was so afraid to go
But now that I have you
I want to be with you
Forever in eternity

Walking by your side is where I want to be
We'll leave this world behind
While we're dancing in the sky

I have one thing left to say
To everyone who hates the God I love
Ask me if I believe
The only answer I can give is yes
I don't fear what you can do to me
Only one thing matters
Heaven is waiting, and I'm ready to go

One Day At a Time

Doubt and fear oppress me
I'm sinking in this sand
I feel like I'm alone
Do you still hold my hand?

I'm slipping from the rock
And bit by bit I'm dying
Do you hear my tortured screams?
Here in the night - I'm crying

I can't see you, the night is all around
Will tomorrow ever come?
I can't see it, all I see it emptiness
To the despair I succumb

I need you to help me make it
To take this just a day at a time
Clinging to you every moment
Holding on til I am strong enough to climb

Nothing is Impossible

I am your servant Lord
And though right now I dread this path
I am willing
May it be to me as you have said

For nothing is impossible with you
Even I can do great things
If I am willing to accept your way
You can bless me more than I could ever dream

Oh how I praise you Lord
Even now in these hard times
You have used me to glorify your name
I did not deserve the honor given me
But I could not refuse

I never would have dared imagine
A life beyond the one I had
But now my life was changed forever
I can't go back, but I don't want to

The road ahead is long and hard
But I believe you will fulfill your promises
You will do great things through me
And satisfy me with good things

The light from heaven will soon come down
For all the world to see
And you chose me to be the first
I am the one to bear the child
Who has come to set us free

My Deepest Longing

I've come so far
But I'm still not far enough
I need to know you more
I need you with me always
I've run so far, I'm lost in you
But I'm still not lost enough

I'm not enough like you
We still don't see eye to eye
I can't even look you in the eye
I'm still clinging to your feet
Naked and ashamed before you
When can I be clothed in white?

When can I take your hand and walk?
I want to be completely free
One heart and mind with you
This is my deepest longing
I can hear you all around me
But I don't always listen
Still deaf to your cries
Begging me to look to you

I will always look to you
Forever I will love you, Lord
But I can't love you enough
I can never do enough to deserve you
But I can still do more
Make me holier, more pure
So that I may be found worthy
To look upon your face

Keep On

The wind moves in the trees
A soft and gentle breeze
Blowing from your mountain
The water rushes by
From a river in the sky
Flowing from your fountain

I hear the voice of God
Calling me to follow him
This fire will never die
This bright light never dim
As long as I follow him

The road I walk is rough
I feel I've had enough
But I'll keep going on
Sometimes it's always night
But then I glimpse your light
Telling me "keep holding on"

I hear the voice of God
Calling me to follow him
This fire will never die
This bright light never dim
As long as I follow him

Jesus March

On June 10, 2000, I went to the March for Jesus, and it was raining--hard and lots--the whole time. It was still cool and these are my thoughts about it.

Jesus March


God's people
Marching through the streets
Shout a loud "Amen!"
To the one who made your heart and soul
Sing with all your might
To the one who made the skies
Even though the skies are gray and cloudy
Let the streets resound with singing
Let the dancing never stop
If this is a test to prove our faithfulness
Let us not grow weary
Send your blessings in the rain
Pour them out upon us
May your peace rain in these streets
I will never stop dancing
The people of this world tremble in awe
To see God at work in His people
Rain cannot drench the joy
Or put out the flame He's planted
Maybe they'll see something real in us
Soaked to the bone
Not just with water, but with your love
We take to the streets
Not in violence or protest
But to dance and sing and pray
For the flame he has ignited in us
Is only strengthened by the rain

It's the Waiting

Slowly you chip away the pieces of me
And fill me with pieces of you
I don't mind the change
It's just the waiting that's so hard

I must be still before you
Give you time to finish me
I don't mind if you break me
I want you to heal me
It's just the waiting that's so hard

I'm willing to follow you step by step
And go where ever you lead
I'm here right behind you, following on
But I don't stop when you do
It's the waiting that's so hard

I Just Need You

The wind has dried my tears
And swept my soul bare
Empty and alone before you
You pierce me with your stare
I need you to love me

You see right through my heart
You know I'm empty and dry
Nothing left to stand in the way
No more tears left to cry
I need you to want me

I'm sold, dark and empty
Fill me with all that you are
Change me and make me like you
Let me shine with the morning star
I just need you to hold me

He's always here

There's a place where I must go
To find you
There are words that I must say
Because I love you
And here in this quiet place
You reach in and touch my soul
You reach in and make me whole

So I'm gonna love you forever
I'm gonna praise your name
I'm gonna shout hallelujah
To the one who'll never change
He's always the same
And he's always here

There's a place where I must go
To be still
There's a place where I am one
With your will
And now in your presence I stand
You reach out a tender hand
An offer of grace I'll never understand

So I'm gonna love you forever
I'm gonna praise your name
I'm gonna shout hallelujah
To the one who'll never change
He's always the same
And he's always here

Heart of Gold

This heart of stone
Has been ripped out
He's given me a heart of gold
So when I pass through the fire
I will not be burned
My heart will remain in him
When everything else is gone
My life is His
And whatever he wills
I'm ready

I've got my heart of gold
The one he's given me
It's safe inside me
Where nothing can separate me from Him
Nothing can destroy this heart
It will stand the heat
The fire will rage
But I won't be burned
I'll only come out more pure
More gold

Gone Astray

Across the sea of doubt and fears
I'm tossed about about by waves
I'd like to try to swim to shore
But I'm just not that brave

Is there anything here left to cling to?
Is there anything here I can hold?
Am I going to die by drowning
Or freeze in the bitter cold?

My heart has gone astray again
Again I've wandered off and gotten lost
Lost and alone and crying for help
Help me as again I take up the cross

It's so hard to trust
When I can't see the shore
So hard to believe
There is anything more

Where are you now that I need you?
Why don't you answer my call?
If you're really there, do you hear?
Can you see me, broken and small?

My heart has gone astray again
Again I've wandered off and gotten lost
Lost and alone and crying for help
Help me as again I take up the cross

The waves of my undoing are drowning me
I still believe that you can rescue
Lord, hear me screaming in the night and answer me
I still believe that you are true

My heart has gone astray again
Again I've wandered off and gotten lost
Lost and alone and crying for help
Help me as again I take up the cross

Feeling Yellow

I am a coward
Too ashamed to face myself
The crowds who hate me
The God who made me
Bitter tears I've wept
For the God that I denied
I said I'd give my life
But I lied
I said I would stay true
But I'm yellow through and through

I hate myself for what I've done
To me, to him
I turned my back
And then he died
If only I hadn't

The world in darkness
The Son of God is dead
And I was too yellow
To identify with him
Too afraid to tell the truth
The rooster crows
I can see what I've done
I denied my Lord
I knew who he was
But was too afraid to show it

I'm disgusted with myself
Of all people I knew better
Yet I purposely hid
I said I wouldn't fall away
But I did

He'll never want me back
And now he's dead
In his last hours
I could not even be there
I fell away

Rotten and diseased
My heart beats no more
I died inside
The day I denied
It's too late
To say I'm sorry

Fallen Out Of Love

I seem to change my mind so easily
My flame is flickering - at best
I remember a time
When my heart burned for you
My soul yearned for you
And I loved you passionately
But oh, what's happened now?
Am I falling out of love with you?

Can this be real?
And I who I think I am?
I know I'm not what I once was
But I want to go back
I want to feel your arms around me
I want to let your love surround me
But my heart is cold
And my mind is numb
How can this possibly be true?

I see grey where it once was black and white
I see a hole in my heart
I want to love you, I know I need you
Please don't let this be real
Am I saying good-bye?
Is this closing the door?
Am I saying I don't love you anymore?
Have I fallen out of love with you?

Face to Face

You speak in words
My heart can't understand
You move in ways
My mind can't know
You're unreachable and unattainable
Yet you reached out to me
To love me

I still can't understand
The mystery of your grace
And why you gave your life
For me
You love me, the unlovable
And save me, the unsaveable
The impossible is possible
With you

Sometimes you seem so far away
And yet my heart still needs
To know you
I want to know the unknowable
And see the invisible
I want the impossible to be possible
For me

I want to keep reaching
I know I'll always be searching
To know you more
Any why you are who you are
You are so silent up in heaven
Come down to me, into my heart
Let me see you face to face

Everything's Alright

Lord, I feel like everything will be alright
As long as you are holding me
I was born to worship
I was born to praise
And when I'm with you
Everything's alright

Looking back at who I used to be
Didn't know where to go, where to turn, who to be
My life was all wrong
But you saved me, you loved me
And you gave me a song to sing
For you

Lord, I feel like everything will be alright
As long as you are holding me
I was born to worship
I was born to praise
And when I'm with you
Everything's alright

Looking up at you and who you are
You are so good, you're so holy, yet you loved me
My life was all wrong
But you helped me, you hold me
And you gave me a life to live
For you

Lord, I feel like everything will be alright
As long as you are holding me
I was born to worship
I was born to praise
And when I'm with you
Everything's alright

Enter In

How can I approach his throne
With empty hands and a wicked heart?
Why does he let me in
When I'm broken and torn apart?

No longer worthy, no longer good
My heart forever stained by sin
I need his mercy, I need his love
I need to know--can I enter in?

I come into your presence, Lord
I don't know how or why I'm here
But I have spent my whole life searching
Now I'm at peace, for you are near

I don't know why I came here
Or why you let me stay
I could never leave you now
At your feet I kneel and pray

Dance With the Trees

I want to live each day so close to you
I want to fly to you on golden wings
I want to dance with the trees and clap my hands
I've heard the song, I want to see the one who sings

My heart draws me closer into the presence of God
Angels whisper to me that I am safe here
My life means nothing, unless I know the Giver
Looking into his eyes, my life becomes clear

I want to live each day in sweet surrender
More than just to live, I want to be alive
Joyfully I'll spin across the dance floor
Dancing to you, I want to move, groove, jump and jive!

Communion

This is my body
Broken for you
I gave it all, I gave my life for you
This is my blood
I bled it for you
To cover you, and cleanse you
And erase all your sins

Come, eat, drink of me
And taste that I am good
Be one with me in Spirit
Come and taste your freedom

These are my hands
They were pierced for you
I went through pain to bring you peace
These are my feet
Calloused, bloody, bruised
They took me here to the cross
Here where I died for you

Come, eat, drink of me
And taste that I am good
Be one with me in Spirit
Come and taste your freedom
My child, come in, I love you
Come see who I want you to be
These tears of pain I've cried for you
Don't cast me away
I am the only one who can set you free

Break Through

There's something so special
About knowing you are near
You care enougth to come to me
And chase away the fear
You care enough to come to me
And find me here

You'll find me on my knees
Calling out to you
Save me from myself
Tear down the wall - break through

I'm feeling so secure
Safe in your big arms I hide
You love me and you hold me here
In you I confide
You love me and you hold me here
I'm safe inside

You'll find me on my knees
Calling out to you
Save me from myself
Tear down the wall - break through

Back to Your Heart

I can feel the wind and the sand
I hear the waves slapping on the shore
You're the Spirit that moves me
I know you're here and I'm not afraid anymore

Over the water a seagull flies
Wild and free above the waves
I know you have a plan for me
I remember the promises you gave

You never forgot about me
Since I ran away from you
Lord, I want to come back to your heart
Is there anyway I can get through

Footprints in the sand speak of my journey
I was gone, but was never alone
You were there for me in my rebellion
Now that I know it, I'm coming home

The cry of the sea gulls echo
Like the cry of my broken heart
Yet you flood me with hope
I have a chance for a new start

Back Again

It's been so long
Since I've felt this way
So long since I stood
On this mountain top with you
But now we are alone
With nothing but the grass,
The trees, and the clear blue sky
It goes on forever
Just like your love for me
I don't know where it begins,
And if it will end
I only know that it is here
Under the sun you see everything
You see through my shallow motives
And tell me I can be me
I am free to be your child
You hold me and you love me
I can't wait to come again
The seperation won't be so long this time
I'll be back again
Soon

At Your Feet

All my defences crumble
I fall broken at your feet
You are so holy
I'm far from you
But can you use me anyway?
Lift me up
I need you more than I can ever know

As I weep at your feet
Pick me up and hold me
Comfort me and dry my tears
You are my God
And I will ever love you

Give me joy like I've never known
Let your love consume me
Let your holy fire
Burn in me, let it refine me
Give me a new heart
New life
So I can always be with you

As I weep at your feet
Pick me up and hold me
Comfort me and dry my tears
You are my God
And I will ever love you

Aliens

Just another "feel good" philosophy
We've become a self-help motivational organization
Helping the masses be happier
Making this world a better place to be
We've forgotten

We are not of the world
(We belong to another)
We're stranger and aliens
(We have a different identity)
We're not here to love this world
(We belong to another)
We're aliens here

Just another shadow blending in
Another lie to gain some temporary acceptance
Not rocking boats or rattling cages
Or setting anyone free
We're becoming extinct

We are not of this world
(And this world does not know us)
We're strangers and aliens
(This world cannot understand)
We're not here to love this world
(This world hates us)
We're aliens here

We are not of the world
(He is no fool who loses)
We're strangers and aliens
(What he cannot keep)
We're not here to love this world
(To gain what he cannot lose)
We're aliens here